Hey, I'm Heiji's player from Luministi, and I had a few pieces of crit for you:
There are two instances in our recent thread where you describe Terezi not only trying to physically contact Heiji, but also describe her succeeding -- first when they meet and she "makes it so he walks right into her" and second when she apparently jabs at him with her cane behind the knee. I would point out that there's a difference between Terezi trying to strike or hit another character and you describing her as automatically landing a hit. The first is perfectly okay as long as it's IC. The second is godmodding, as you're basically trying to take control of my character to describe him unable to do anything but sit there and take the hit. More importantly, it puts me in a rather awkward position: either I can blatantly contradict your tag and assume contact never happened, or I can allow you to dictate what my character does. Neither situation is really ideal.
I wasn't going to say anything when Terezi first 'bumped into' Heiji, since it seemed like a fairly minor issue, but since this was followed up by a description of her cane as "currently being held behing her back, in case she decides to give Heiji the drubbings" and a description of Terezi actually hitting Heiji with the cane, it seems to be a bit of a pattern. I'd like to point out that RP is a cooperative hobby with its own etiquette and that simply assuming your character will automatically hit other characters whenever or however they like violates that etiquette.
Now, I freely admit that I don't know anything about Homestuck or Terezi. However, I am a little concerned that within the first few comments of their meeting, Terezi is suddenly infodumping three paragraphs+ of Luministi plot on Heiji with little to no warning, acting like she already knows everything that's going on. Thing is, Heiji's log is set up as everyone's waking up around the same time. Did Terezi wake up long before everyone else? When did she get the time to obtain all this information from the NPCs, who in the game's FAQ are described as "not particularly chatty" and only interested in performing their jobs? OOCly, this also presents a bit of a problem because as Heiji's a detective himself, I apped him in to play out discovering the town's secrets, something I can't very well do if they're suddenly dumped on him without warning. It's a little inconsiderate at best and (unless Terezi has psychic powers and also ran across a veteran player character or two before running into Heiji, which doesn't seem to be the case) infomodding at worst to have Terezi suddenly know information she shouldn't have IC access to.
I would also note that while you're a very quick tagger, your tags also seem to have a lot of typos, awkward wording, and in one case, around 4 or 5 edits in quick suggestion. While it's nice to be responsive, RP really isn't a race and I think it might help your tags if you take some time to proofread them before hitting post (or edit, as the case may be). It would also help my inbox, as I rely on email notifs to figure out what needs tagging.
On a more personal note, I'm finding it kind of hard to think of tags for Terezi, as she seems to jump from topic to topic with no real rhyme or reason. First she's talking about being blind, then discussing Resarci, then interrogating Heiji about the Japanese criminal justice system. I'm well aware that there are characters that jump around during a conversation, but as Terezi never really explains or dwells on anything she's talking about in detail, it comes across as pretty disjointed -- with no real train of thought or consistent line of conversation. The end result is that I'm never really sure where the conversation is going or if it's going anywhere at all. If the randomness is supposed to be a character trait, I didn't see it in my readthrough of your app, so I'm not really sure where all of this is coming from. Is Terezi supposed to be a cloud cuckoolander? Because that's how Heiji is perceiving her, and I'm not sure that's the way her character is supposed to come across.
I wanted to thank you for taking the time to give this thoughtful piece of crit.
Oh boy, what do I even say?
I apologize about that. All of it, actually, haha. I'm not usually a fast tagger, but I got excited for this game and I didn't want to make the impression that I was someone who took a very long time to type words into a box. But then of course I noticed a bit belatedly it generally seemed pretty slow.
In fact I'm embarrassed all of that even happened; if I could or had a chance, I would retcon, delete all of that and start over.
I'm afraid of boring people in rp if I stick to the same topic, so that's where that comes from (except that's not a good line of thought either).
I'll just take note of this all and reread it so I don't end up going overboard aand crazy again. This is really embarrassing, since I didn't even so much as notice or realize how much of a mess that was until you brought this up.
Anyway, thanks again. I'll try my best to fix these problems and if they're still present, I wouldn't mind being reminded that I haven't been adequate enough.
I think everyone's excited for Luministi :). Anyway, I'm glad you found it helpful. And this kind of thing happens to everyone, so don't be so afraid of being boring or not fast enough, especially since like you said, Lumi seems like a pretty laid-back game. I think as long as you stick to your characterization and don't get overly worked up about things, you'll be just fine.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
There are two instances in our recent thread where you describe Terezi not only trying to physically contact Heiji, but also describe her succeeding -- first when they meet and she "makes it so he walks right into her" and second when she apparently jabs at him with her cane behind the knee. I would point out that there's a difference between Terezi trying to strike or hit another character and you describing her as automatically landing a hit. The first is perfectly okay as long as it's IC. The second is godmodding, as you're basically trying to take control of my character to describe him unable to do anything but sit there and take the hit. More importantly, it puts me in a rather awkward position: either I can blatantly contradict your tag and assume contact never happened, or I can allow you to dictate what my character does. Neither situation is really ideal.
I wasn't going to say anything when Terezi first 'bumped into' Heiji, since it seemed like a fairly minor issue, but since this was followed up by a description of her cane as "currently being held behing her back, in case she decides to give Heiji the drubbings" and a description of Terezi actually hitting Heiji with the cane, it seems to be a bit of a pattern. I'd like to point out that RP is a cooperative hobby with its own etiquette and that simply assuming your character will automatically hit other characters whenever or however they like violates that etiquette.
Now, I freely admit that I don't know anything about Homestuck or Terezi. However, I am a little concerned that within the first few comments of their meeting, Terezi is suddenly infodumping three paragraphs+ of Luministi plot on Heiji with little to no warning, acting like she already knows everything that's going on. Thing is, Heiji's log is set up as everyone's waking up around the same time. Did Terezi wake up long before everyone else? When did she get the time to obtain all this information from the NPCs, who in the game's FAQ are described as "not particularly chatty" and only interested in performing their jobs? OOCly, this also presents a bit of a problem because as Heiji's a detective himself, I apped him in to play out discovering the town's secrets, something I can't very well do if they're suddenly dumped on him without warning. It's a little inconsiderate at best and (unless Terezi has psychic powers and also ran across a veteran player character or two before running into Heiji, which doesn't seem to be the case) infomodding at worst to have Terezi suddenly know information she shouldn't have IC access to.
I would also note that while you're a very quick tagger, your tags also seem to have a lot of typos, awkward wording, and in one case, around 4 or 5 edits in quick suggestion. While it's nice to be responsive, RP really isn't a race and I think it might help your tags if you take some time to proofread them before hitting post (or edit, as the case may be). It would also help my inbox, as I rely on email notifs to figure out what needs tagging.
On a more personal note, I'm finding it kind of hard to think of tags for Terezi, as she seems to jump from topic to topic with no real rhyme or reason. First she's talking about being blind, then discussing Resarci, then interrogating Heiji about the Japanese criminal justice system. I'm well aware that there are characters that jump around during a conversation, but as Terezi never really explains or dwells on anything she's talking about in detail, it comes across as pretty disjointed -- with no real train of thought or consistent line of conversation. The end result is that I'm never really sure where the conversation is going or if it's going anywhere at all. If the randomness is supposed to be a character trait, I didn't see it in my readthrough of your app, so I'm not really sure where all of this is coming from. Is Terezi supposed to be a cloud cuckoolander? Because that's how Heiji is perceiving her, and I'm not sure that's the way her character is supposed to come across.
no subject
I wanted to thank you for taking the time to give this thoughtful piece of crit.
Oh boy, what do I even say?
I apologize about that. All of it, actually, haha. I'm not usually a fast tagger, but I got excited for this game and I didn't want to make the impression that I was someone who took a very long time to type words into a box. But then of course I noticed a bit belatedly it generally seemed pretty slow.
In fact I'm embarrassed all of that even happened; if I could or had a chance, I would retcon, delete all of that and start over.
I'm afraid of boring people in rp if I stick to the same topic, so that's where that comes from (except that's not a good line of thought either).
I'll just take note of this all and reread it so I don't end up going overboard aand crazy again. This is really embarrassing, since I didn't even so much as notice or realize how much of a mess that was until you brought this up.
Anyway, thanks again. I'll try my best to fix these problems and if they're still present, I wouldn't mind being reminded that I haven't been adequate enough.
no subject